Lettuce Get it On

 

Since witnessing the horrific dogfight, my attitude has changed. The barmaid should not have given last orders, which is the defense of the wife. Manchester City must get a result against Middlesbrough in order to avoid being pulled into a scrap at the wrong side of the table. The Bore have their eyes on Monday's FA Cup replay. I am considering getting involved at 10/3 with another psycho.

 

The McCartney family is animal lovers and I feel a deep connection to them. It was hard for me to understand why Stella seemed unhappy with Heather. I would have thought that the possibility of a decent hamburger for dinner would have been a  Wild Lettuce great relief. The waiting was an inconvenience. The Reading win over Portsmouth was 11/10.

 

Roman Abramovich, another prominent figure who recently separated from his wife, is also a high-profile case. Roman's wife will probably not be upset, as she is eligible for a huge payout. Frank Lampard however has denied that he was part of any deal. A proposed salary cap is threatening Terry and Lampard's future. Chelsea may introduce a PS120,000 per week ceiling. I believe the builder is ripping them off. Chelsea will destroy Sheffield United at 1/5.

 

You can call me a frustrated, optimistic ornithologist. But I wish all birds were as easy as Robben to get on their backs. At 7/1, a 3-0 win by Chelsea should be taken seriously. It was a joy to hear that Michael Owen has been able to get back on his feet. Michael Owen and his local bookmaker were both more thrilled than I was. The 6/4 Charlton win over Newcastle has left me completely speechless.

 

Fulham may have a great record at the Cottage but they are stopped more often than Pete Doherty when on the road. Wigan hold the three points at 5/4. Arsenal seem to have taken my style of play as a model. Although it's beautiful to see, there is a lack of penetration. If I had to, I would suggest a win for Goodison Park's Gunners, but the slim odds of 5/4 look a lot like Scotland. You'd be better off staying away.

 

Martens was the name of the doctor who had to see my wife last night. The cost of a large bottle of Lucozade will be covered by backing the Villa to draw with Liverpool at noon on 5/5. I have a raging thirst. Anton Ferdinand is my disappointment. He was not going to believe that he was visiting grandma. Wayne Rooney is the only person who can sell this line without raising suspicion. I will bet on Blackburn to beat West Ham at 8.1.

 

It's so thought-provoking that I am considering becoming a vegetarian. This is dependent on finding someone who will eat non-meat with very low standards. The selections include Reading, Spurs and Blackburn, as well as Charlton. The payout is a substantial 26/1.